there's an ocean. seaglass-green. there's someone with me, a friend or an almost-friend, someone i recognize but whose identity skittered away before i could remember it. we're underwater, our hair streaming about us. breathing the cool water around us. we are both merpeople, our skin mottled under the shifting light. i know how to use my body, i've always been like this. the muscles in my torso and upper legs draw taut and loosen as i swim, nearly touching the ocean floor. my friend lingers behind in the shadows, calling to me with idle conversation but not following.
there are tiny mounds across the ocean floor. i count thousands. each have been corralled into vaguely rectangular shapes. across each rectangle is a larger symbol dug into the ocean sand. a lightning bolt. a trident. it takes me a while to realize it, but then i know: these are graves. thousands and thousands of graves. the symbols stand for the god that flew into a rage and killed them all.
i remember little of it. a thumbprint on the cover of a cloth-bound book. going through customs, someone laughing. sitting in an armchair that envelopes me, my knees tucked to my chest.
oh, also. i was on pottermore. and dueling was back up. i lost pathetically, but luckily i was playing against fellow gryffindors, so it's not like i lost us any points....
i was at a wedding. one of my friends', i don't remember whose. krista's, maybe. sherry, joanne and i were holed up in a white-walled room, with three white beds set out for us. we were all sleeping when yu walks through, wearing a turtleneck. i had so much to speak with her about, so i followed her out of the room, and we curled up in one of the front rooms -- this one had wooden floors and the walls were painted a warmer shade. there was a loft off to the side, a rug beneath our feet, and - i think - a kitchen under the loft.
we started talking; she spoke about what she'd done after graduating. she was actually the temp at five prime before me, and was now looking for another job. she was sitting on the bed, i was on the rug at her feet, listening. krista in her white wedding gown walked through at some point. i laid my head on the side of the bed, and listened to the steady cadence of yu's voice.
dinner at a restaurant. low ceiling, white boxy architecture. the light is kept dimmed, the candlelight flickers against the walls. greece or italy or somesuch country. my parents. maura. i'm fighting about something.
usha auntie invites a pastor to the wildwheat house. i shake his hand, tell him i'm so grateful that he came to see me. he's planning on doing biological research, he thinks he might be able to get me a job. we're in the garage. he tells me not to be so nervous. he smiles. his hair his white, his smile a wrinkled, friendly thing. divya & i in my room -- 4 sunrise room. she's resentful that her mother is helping me. she says something about there still being public logs of me ridiculing her. i delete them. i try to appease her. at the end, she's still unhappy.
new city. sunlight everywhere. sitting in a room, white tablecloth over a breakfast table, eating breakfast as my brother lounges on a nearby couch. the french doors are open, the breeze is blowing. it's peaceful. there was more to this that i remembered this morning, but i didn't write it down in time.
a warehouse. a mass of chattering people. eyes on me: girls, catty girls, like high school all over again. there a long tables set up in a large rectangle. gray walls, cheap fluorescent light. my father was with me. little displays of food were set up on the tables -- we were picking up samples from everywhere. i remember a pretty arrangement of cupcakes, all in exotic flavors. i felt distant, and confused, and lost.
i was in a bookstore. white walls, metal shelves. they weren't only selling books -- there were jars of food, etc., i was looking for a gift for someone. i picked up a few books, and a few other things; the only thing i remember clearly is a glass container with granola in it. i went to stand in line, then i realized there was a self checkout. i was feeling rather downtrodden through the dream, like i was buying a gift for someone i knew wouldn't appreciate it. i rang up my items, they were too expensive. i put a few items back, including the granola.
then i wandered about the bookstore for a while longer. there was a side room next to the larger area where the tills were. someone there told me about giants and how dangerous they were, something about them not liking books? because i was feeling so downtrodden, i figured -- why not. somehow i found myself in the company of a giant, outside somewhere, i don't remember how the scenery looked. we were friends, the giant and i, and we were looking at books... i remember feeling quietly smug.
all through the dream there was this strange sense of -- loneliness? anger? something along those lines.
city at nighttime. i was trying to see how fast i could get from one end of the city to the other, i think. planning my route for another day. it was like greece, white buildings all interconnected. i jumped from balcony to balcony. one place, there should have been stairs, there was a slide instead -- i slid down and startled someone there, i believ.e there was warm light coming from inside their house. i spoke to them, i think, but there was an urgency to get away.
then, we -- my family -- were in a house. a chinese woman's house, big and opulant and white and beautiful. no one was there. we were thieves? creeping around. she arrived sometime during the night and put out her hand. i shook it.
then, outside. a fire in the middle of the road, ash in the air like snow. the smell of the slums. the atmosphere was jaded, too gray, quiet. muted, almost.
i was stuck in some kind of high, sweeping castle. gray stone exterior, white walls in the inside. my memories were sealed, i was working as a maid there for quit a while. calm, peaceful existence. somehow, i managed to unseal them. two others were with me, their memories also unsealed: neil gaiman, and simon the servant who was actually a knight. we made a potion in a big bubbling cauldron with things from the kitchens... etc. the evil sorceress, pale-skinned, long, spindly fingers, wanted to keep me there. learned to encourage my friends... neil was much better than somin.
kittens at the hardware store in a giant plastic bin, all of them shoved together. i picked a tabby up and started making plans. m&d were out of town, so i thought -- if i tell them that it was a stray and just a baby so i took it in -- white one was also in the contained. wanted to curl around it and sleep.
sitting in a train with mimi and ayumi, going back to berkeley. telling them about my job search. mimi was calm and sweet. felt lost, then relieved. they were sitting across from me in the train carriage.
i was at at some sort of boarding school. in a very sensible uniform. navy blazer, knee-length woolen skirt. i was something of a social outcast. at some point, i had to go up in front of the class. i'm not sure what i spoke about. after that, i left the classroom and returned wearing red instead of the green i was in before. there was one more social outcast in the class. she went to the front of the class and sang angel by sarah mclachlan, blowing everyone away. sarah mclachlan was sitting in the back of the class, and she said it was sung beautifully.
also... romney was sitting of to the right. i don't know what he was doing there. i remember thinking 'take a look at him, since you don't quite know what he looks like' but i never got around to doing so.
there was also some kind of strange duality about the dream -- i was myself and i was that other girl at the same time. i remember feeling both jealousy and pride at that moment when sarah spoke.
we were all in some sort of vampire castle. deep shadows, soaring towers. gray, cold stone, perpetual night. mom & dad were with a group of indian people at the interior of the castle, i was on my own. buzzing cans zipped through the air; it was the way the vampire communicated with others in the castle. the faster they buzzed, the more urgent the message. mother sent me an email about usha chadlavada, something evil she'd done. i rolled my eyes and thought -- women! and went onwards.
then i was with hermione and harry. we were on the outside of the castle, somehow, hundreds of floors up. there was a rectangular pool below us, giving off an ethereal blue glow of such intensity that it reaches us. there was a balcony area that was indented into the building rather than built as an outcropping. it was lit with a dim golden light. the architecture was very gothic-style; spindly archways and spires. hermione and harry were having a screaming row, eventually harry told hermione that, fine, it wasn't as if either of us needed him anymore. then he jumped off the building.
i remember seeing him falling and feeling nothing but a faint irritation. somehow, i had the power to alter his course moments before he hit the ground so he landed in the pool instead. somehow, he fell horizontally. facedown.
sitting in a tree. i was someone who looked like picard... white male, bald head, wearing a light blue hospital gown. i was high up, the grass was gree about me, the limbs of the tree were white. there was a turret from Portal patrolling about the tree. i had some combination of magneto and professor x's power -- i put out a hand, concentrated very hard, and managed to blow the thing to bits.
then i was inside some sort of facility. white metallic walls, flourescent lights. very geometric floorplan -- all the turns were right angles. there were cameras everywhere. i ducked out of sight, tried to go along the corridor. but one of the cameras caught me, a man in a uniform came into the room i was. he was tall, pudgy faced, with a beard. again, i waved my hand, and instructed him mentally to turn around and leave. then i thought about making him kill himself. eventually, i decided not to.
then, again, i was caught by the cameras. this time, three people came. one, a man with a fox smile who was obviously the leader. he was in a white button-up shirt and a labcoat. a blonde woman in a pink dress, and another man, clearly a good. i was controlling a metal screw, keeping it above the leader's heart, waiting to puncture. he didn't think it was out of the ordinary, he didn't know i was controlling it. i let them close in, and i was ready to pierce his heart.
a large, dusty castle with a friend. exploring. the light comes in through the windows, cold, gray light. the dust motes are like ash, there are cobwebs everywhere. we explore, a boy and i, going from room to room. on the second floor, there is a room with four walls, but the join between one wall and the next isn't quite completed, there's a space where you can look down into the first floor. the room is a mess of dust and cobwebs. there are thin pieces of stone that just up at regular intervals throughout the room, like grave markers. at one point, we're playing hide and seek. the boy hides up here, i'm walking through the first floor. there's a duality of my vision... i'm both the boy and myself at the same time.
the second dream, i'm a boy -- i look like nigel coulbie from like minds. i have a twin brother, and a best friend who looks like alex from the same movie. we're stuck in a classroom at a boarding school with a woman who's insanely into preaching about god, considering us all sinners, etc. one day, detention after school, it's us three boys, the girls in the class, and the crazy teacher. she's wearing pink, she's blonde. finally i make a scene and make it so she needs to come speak with me oute. we're on a shallow grassy hill, like the ones outside rancho. i tell her that she's poisoning the minds of her children, and i make cruel fun of her. she holds her own, calling me disgusting, a sinner, a bad influence, etc. we go back in, she returns to her room. my brother and alex are standing out, alex asks me if i did it, and i say yes -- he laughs and gives me a half-hug. my brother runs towards me and gives me a hi-five. before we can return to our room, however, the school bell starts ringing. all the students have been in the front room with us all along. the carpets are dull blue fibers, the walls are white. we're cramped in there. the principal, who'd witnessed my friend and brother congratulating me, tells us students to stay out here, something's happened. my brother goes 'you made us look like assholes!' regarding the grinning and the hi-fiving and such; they'll think we were responsible. alex is quiet and pensive. somehow, i know what's happened -- the teacher's committed suicide.
i was heading to work, when i stopped by the shopping center on campus close to albertsons. i ran into howard there. we got coffee together and sat outside strickland's. we talked for awhile, i told him about the job, i fogot his major, but he implied that it was history. it was nice speaking to him. and then i looked at my watch and was appalled that it was past ten.
rushed to work. kerry said that they'd forgive me this time, and i had this sinking feeling that i'd already fucked up. we were making cookies that day... chocolate and pretzels and all sorts of things went into the dough. we put it in this long flat fish, filled with water, which was attached to a red bowl-shaped protrusion that encircled the end of the dish like an inverted funnel. this was attached to the heat source. the cookies would be done when all of the water was evaporated. i felt sick and panicked the whole time.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
09/29/11
there are tiny mounds across the ocean floor. i count thousands. each have been corralled into vaguely rectangular shapes. across each rectangle is a larger symbol dug into the ocean sand. a lightning bolt. a trident. it takes me a while to realize it, but then i know: these are graves. thousands and thousands of graves. the symbols stand for the god that flew into a rage and killed them all.
09/30/11
09/30/11
10/01/11
we started talking; she spoke about what she'd done after graduating. she was actually the temp at five prime before me, and was now looking for another job. she was sitting on the bed, i was on the rug at her feet, listening. krista in her white wedding gown walked through at some point. i laid my head on the side of the bed, and listened to the steady cadence of yu's voice.
10/02/11
10/03/11
10/04/11
10/05/11
10/06/11
10/10/11
10/11/11
then i wandered about the bookstore for a while longer. there was a side room next to the larger area where the tills were. someone there told me about giants and how dangerous they were, something about them not liking books? because i was feeling so downtrodden, i figured -- why not. somehow i found myself in the company of a giant, outside somewhere, i don't remember how the scenery looked. we were friends, the giant and i, and we were looking at books... i remember feeling quietly smug.
all through the dream there was this strange sense of -- loneliness? anger? something along those lines.
10/12/11
then, we -- my family -- were in a house. a chinese woman's house, big and opulant and white and beautiful. no one was there. we were thieves? creeping around. she arrived sometime during the night and put out her hand. i shook it.
then, outside. a fire in the middle of the road, ash in the air like snow. the smell of the slums. the atmosphere was jaded, too gray, quiet. muted, almost.
10/13/11
kittens at the hardware store in a giant plastic bin, all of them shoved together. i picked a tabby up and started making plans. m&d were out of town, so i thought -- if i tell them that it was a stray and just a baby so i took it in -- white one was also in the contained. wanted to curl around it and sleep.
10/16/11
10/17/11
10/18/11
also... romney was sitting of to the right. i don't know what he was doing there. i remember thinking 'take a look at him, since you don't quite know what he looks like' but i never got around to doing so.
there was also some kind of strange duality about the dream -- i was myself and i was that other girl at the same time. i remember feeling both jealousy and pride at that moment when sarah spoke.
10/19/11
then i was with hermione and harry. we were on the outside of the castle, somehow, hundreds of floors up. there was a rectangular pool below us, giving off an ethereal blue glow of such intensity that it reaches us. there was a balcony area that was indented into the building rather than built as an outcropping. it was lit with a dim golden light. the architecture was very gothic-style; spindly archways and spires. hermione and harry were having a screaming row, eventually harry told hermione that, fine, it wasn't as if either of us needed him anymore. then he jumped off the building.
i remember seeing him falling and feeling nothing but a faint irritation. somehow, i had the power to alter his course moments before he hit the ground so he landed in the pool instead. somehow, he fell horizontally. facedown.
10/30/11
then i was inside some sort of facility. white metallic walls, flourescent lights. very geometric floorplan -- all the turns were right angles. there were cameras everywhere. i ducked out of sight, tried to go along the corridor. but one of the cameras caught me, a man in a uniform came into the room i was. he was tall, pudgy faced, with a beard. again, i waved my hand, and instructed him mentally to turn around and leave. then i thought about making him kill himself. eventually, i decided not to.
then, again, i was caught by the cameras. this time, three people came. one, a man with a fox smile who was obviously the leader. he was in a white button-up shirt and a labcoat. a blonde woman in a pink dress, and another man, clearly a good. i was controlling a metal screw, keeping it above the leader's heart, waiting to puncture. he didn't think it was out of the ordinary, he didn't know i was controlling it. i let them close in, and i was ready to pierce his heart.
11/05/11
the second dream, i'm a boy -- i look like nigel coulbie from like minds. i have a twin brother, and a best friend who looks like alex from the same movie. we're stuck in a classroom at a boarding school with a woman who's insanely into preaching about god, considering us all sinners, etc. one day, detention after school, it's us three boys, the girls in the class, and the crazy teacher. she's wearing pink, she's blonde. finally i make a scene and make it so she needs to come speak with me oute. we're on a shallow grassy hill, like the ones outside rancho. i tell her that she's poisoning the minds of her children, and i make cruel fun of her. she holds her own, calling me disgusting, a sinner, a bad influence, etc. we go back in, she returns to her room. my brother and alex are standing out, alex asks me if i did it, and i say yes -- he laughs and gives me a half-hug. my brother runs towards me and gives me a hi-five. before we can return to our room, however, the school bell starts ringing. all the students have been in the front room with us all along. the carpets are dull blue fibers, the walls are white. we're cramped in there. the principal, who'd witnessed my friend and brother congratulating me, tells us students to stay out here, something's happened. my brother goes 'you made us look like assholes!' regarding the grinning and the hi-fiving and such; they'll think we were responsible. alex is quiet and pensive. somehow, i know what's happened -- the teacher's committed suicide.
11/06/11
rushed to work. kerry said that they'd forgive me this time, and i had this sinking feeling that i'd already fucked up. we were making cookies that day... chocolate and pretzels and all sorts of things went into the dough. we put it in this long flat fish, filled with water, which was attached to a red bowl-shaped protrusion that encircled the end of the dish like an inverted funnel. this was attached to the heat source. the cookies would be done when all of the water was evaporated. i felt sick and panicked the whole time.